Our second Auto Cross of the year at Marshalltown, was Saturday, June 24^th. It was not the best of days for the track. We had rain most of the day. It finally stopped raining during the last timed runs of the afternoon. The wet track was an equalizer of sorts.

We had 9 drivers and their best times are listed below:

John Dyson 1.31.85

Jason Walter 1.34.99

Darrell Frett 135.77

Steve Teresi 140.29

Maralee Dyson 140.74

Mary Milavetz 141.09

Bob Dideriksen 141.26

Gary Milavetz 141.74

James Mulherin 143.33

Wayne Witten was with us for practice runs but had to leave before the timed runs.

Thanks to Tanya Meyer for running the time clock for us.

Our July event is scheduled for Sunday, July 30^th at 2:00 pm. It will be at John and Maralee Dyson’s home, 837 Kirkwood Ave., Iowa City, Iowa. We will have the cars on display in the yard, for shine and show. Rather than going for a drive to get ice cream we will have homemade ice cream with toppings. Please come and enjoy the fellowship and the cars. A good way to spend a hot July day.

We would like to say "Welcome" to some new members.

Jim and Jodi Nemmers of Dubuque, IA. They have a Yellow, 1978 911 SC.

Dimitrios and Stephanie Tsevas of Iowa City, IA. They have a Black, 1974 911 S.

Kyle Harris of Cedar Rapids, IA. Kyle drives a blue, 1987 911 Targa.

We are glad to have you and hope to see you soon at a club function. The ice cream social would be a great time to show off your car and get to see other Porsches and meet the owners.

THE GARAGE QUEENS

These are the guys that will only drive their Porsches if they are going to a Concours - and only if they absolutely have to. Even if a concours requires that a car be driven rather than trailered, a QUEEN will try to figure how he can trailer it surreptitiously within a few blocks of the show, then push it to the event (so he doesn't stir up any dirt in the engine compartment). If you are unlucky enough to have a car that he perceives as competition, be forewarned.

The QUEEN will carefully scrutinize your car while wearing a facial expression like he is examining a turd. The QUEEN often has very good knowledge of the historical details of his car because that knowledge relates directly to how the car can be scored in a concours. This knowledge also allows him to lose first place with dignity: "I guess John deserved to win first place, although I am surprised that the judges ignored the fact that he didn't have original tread-pattern Continentals on his car".

GARAGE QUEENS wouldn't think of driving their cars "hard" because they didn't buy them to drive, they bought them to collect trophies. The best thing about QUEENS is that you probably won't see them at any events other than concours or shows unless they also own a "driver" Porsche (see "Cautions and Warnings"). The only exception to all of this drivel is the QUEEN that owns and shows a truly classic Porsche (904, 959, Speedster, etc). Usually you will find that this type of QUEEN will actually drive his car (even the Porsche factory pulls out the 917's once in awhile so they can flog them on a race track).

WILD-ASS GEAR HEADS

These are basically hot rodders who have chosen Porsches instead of Hemi-Cudas. The car sitting at the top of the GEARHEAD pyramid is the aircooled Turbo. Most
serious GEARHEAD cars are faster than their track-car counterparts. These cars are so highly modified that they even scare their owners. As a matter of fact, this is the ultimate goal. GEARHEADS won't stop tweaking until their cars have taken on a "you'd better watch your ass with me" attitude.

When you get close to a serious GEARHEAD car you can feel all the little hairs on your body stand on end kind of like you were part of a static electricity exhibit at Science City. If you talk to one of these guys, they invariably have a tremendous amount of respect for their cars (the ones that don't are already dead). GEARHEADS like to talk about the time that their cars jumped up in the air and changed lanes when they grabbed fourth gear at 120 miles per hour. The cars are immaculate, except for little smears on the paint caused by hitting bugs at 150 miles per hour (on the way to the Club breakfast).

GEARHEADS usually don't show up for many of the Club events because they are too busy doing things like having their pistons ceramic-coated or installing 962 water-cooled heads and 917 rotor/caliper assemblies on their cars. When they aren't tweaking their cars they relax by looking for roads in neighboring counties or states where they can "run her up to 180" without worrying about cops or other drivers. I like these guys, but I don't really want to ride with them.

THE WATERBOYS

These are water-cooled Porsche owners. Although this category obviously includes 928's, 924's, Boxsters, and the new 911's, I'm thinking particularly of 944's, and 968's. They are usually a friendly lot, even though they know that the purists are always thinking, "real Porsches aren't water-cooled".

WATERBOYS are well tolerated these days because the turbo versions of these cars are so fast and viceless on the track. If you are an air-cooled owner and you persist in tormenting a WATERBOY, he's likely to get fed up and challenge you to a lap or two at Heartland Park. Personally, I like WATERBOYS, because they really seem to enjoy their cars and they drive them "as they were intended". Besides, the new water-cooled Porsches are the best Porsches yet in terms of performance, and like it or not, they represent the future of the marque.

THE PORSCHE PURIST

This is the guy that would make Dr. Porsche proud. He is what I aspire to be when I grow up. He owns any model of Porsche. First and foremost, the PURIST knows that Porsches are made to be driven. His car is clean and well maintained and may have been mildly modified with upgrades such as tires, wheels, a raspy exhaust system, etc.

He's owned this car for awhile and he drives it regularly. His car will inevitably show the wear and tear of being a daily driver. It means that this car will probably never win a concours. But, over the years, his car will begin to acquire a well-worn patina, similar to the kind that you would find on that jack knife that your grandfather carried around in his pocket for 40 years. Unless you are also a PURIST, he is having more fun with his Porsche than you are - no matter what you are doing with yours.

Editor's note: this saga will conclude in the next issue. Look for THE OLD GUARD MEMBER, CAUTIONS AND WARNINGS and THE OTHER GUYS.

We would like to thank all of you who have responded and sent your information to us. We still hope to hear from more of you and we are in need of your phone numbers and e-mail address. There are times that we might need to contact you about an upcoming event that we don’t have time to send a mailing. Please consider getting this information to us.

The bad news is that some of you have changed you e-mail and forgotten to let us know about the change. We have been making it a practice to send e-mail reminders just before an event. This has prompted us to check on some of the e-mails that did not get through.

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